Free Huey P. Newton with
Every Purchase

The ground swells. The tidal bore moans. The American
people have spoken. I think they just said
something, Paul Newman murmurs, on hearing
a far-off rumbling in Syria. Free Chelsea
Clinton. Free the Chelsea Hotel. Free Taryn
Manning. Free bonus disk of special features.
One hundred percent media saturation,
one hundred percent virtual digital market penetration.
American democracy at rock-bottom fire-sale
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Today only, every purchase of a canister
of carcinogens saves one ten-thousandth of a duck!
Me me me me mimes the Meme in Chief
all day and all night, as the one ten-thousandth
of the public he represents (Park Place
not Paris!) drifts into the most comfortable of slumbers,
cheered to know he has less than zero interest
in the rest. Zero percent interest for forty-eight
months. This offer is unforgivable.
Free the Chicago Seven for the first
fifty customers who sign up for our Special Friends plan,
which lets you talk free with everyone
who voted the same way as you. Free Kindle
Jenner. This posse grabs back. We all know
the frog does not think to jump out of the water
as the pot gets hotter. The American people
are joking. We are forced to assume. Void where
inhibited, limit one beheading per customer.
Maybe my brand could go to bed with your brand.
They’re all dead now, who says a vote makes no difference?
Our amazing new product lightens dark skin,
making police interactions more comfortable and less frequent!
Meanwhile, at Walden Pond, Henry Thoreau
clicks like on the “Pristine Wilderness” page.
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with our Extended Warranty Plan,
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The American people are stricken.
The gated communities cry, Stop breathing
our air! I can see their point, I sym-
pathize, choke, choke. Like you, Robert Lowell,
I’m also waiting for that blessed bubble to break.
Like you, Robert Lowell, I also think
this could use a little more salt.
Free your mind, and a thousand corpses will follow.
Freedom isn’t free.
But this week only, it’s half off.