I liked it. I enjoyed the way second person was used to shade the future and maintain the present. The end was beautiful. Enjoyed it. It moved at a nice pace.
Interesting! If only we knew how everything would turn out before we fell in love. I guess we can anticipate some of the recurring plot -- instant fascination, disillusionment, resentment, and eventually, break up!
Edmund Tamakloe replied on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 09:27am
Nicole, you always amaze me with your simplicity and style. You envelop your reader in a long embrace which is just what they need to feel engaged; and then you send them on their way. Thank you for that story.
Suzanne Baran replied on Tue, 05/26/2009 - 09:36am
The story is almost the second person omniscient point of view, in the way the narrator knows what is going to happen . . . how interesting and unusual. The shadings of the future are welcome, like a reward, but I wished for less finality in "This was the beginning of the end" in order to maintain more suspense. But good, very good.
Fantastic work, Nicole! Your use of the second person to convey past, present, and future created a world in which I could live and have lived. You captured the bittersweet providence of seemingly unimportant or annoyingly obligatory choices, and how they determine our relational paths. Thank you.
Tom Rastrelli replied on Thu, 05/28/2009 - 06:04pm
I liked it. I enjoyed the way second person was used to shade the future and maintain the present. The end was beautiful. Enjoyed it. It moved at a nice pace.
Very different and interesting. A story in the second person -- you don't read those often and it was well done.
The details and the emotions felt so true and authentic.
Great story. Loved the feel.
Interesting! If only we knew how everything would turn out before we fell in love. I guess we can anticipate some of the recurring plot -- instant fascination, disillusionment, resentment, and eventually, break up!
Nicole, you always amaze me with your simplicity and style. You envelop your reader in a long embrace which is just what they need to feel engaged; and then you send them on their way. Thank you for that story.
I agree with Judy B. It really is a lovely read in the second person.
The second person point of view and the movement somehow made the story resonate in a haunting way. I was moved by it.
I bet most people can relate in some way to this piece.
The story is almost the second person omniscient point of view, in the way the narrator knows what is going to happen . . . how interesting and unusual. The shadings of the future are welcome, like a reward, but I wished for less finality in "This was the beginning of the end" in order to maintain more suspense. But good, very good.
Fantastic work, Nicole! Your use of the second person to convey past, present, and future created a world in which I could live and have lived. You captured the bittersweet providence of seemingly unimportant or annoyingly obligatory choices, and how they determine our relational paths. Thank you.
This story was so simple but had small instances of complexity, in an ironic way making the best sense.